Tokyo Heart

Smelling Dog Feet!

For the most part, TV shows in Japan are just about as banal as TV shows in the USA. While there are some pretty decent documentaries, and some interesting travel shows, overall the number of "variety" shows seems endless.

Each of these variety shows has a panel of "talents" who's main job, it seems is to ooh and ahh at the appropriate times. I use the word "talents" very lightly here since the main talent for most, depending on gender, would be;

Males:

> The ability to wear a pair of eyeglasses on the top of your head for the entire hour of the show (maybe this guy used so much bleach to get that blond hair that he really grow another set of eyes up there?).

> A wardrobe of very, very large bow ties, preferably polka-dotted, and never matching the clown like striped suit you are wearing.

> An ability to stuff prodigious amounts of food (normal or strange) into your mouth while still being able to roll your eyes heavenward and moaning and groaning about how oishi (delicious) it is.

Females:

> Mainly, being an airhead.

> Secondly, being cute.

> Thirdly, see the third point for males above.

Now, having said all that, I do admit that we sometimes watch these shows. After all, they sometimes show some pretty interesting stuff and if you can understand the Japanese they can be kind of fun to watch.

Take last night for example. This week's show (no, I don't know the name of it, but it's on every Monday evening) was about "beauties." And, these weren't beauties in the normal sense; their "beauty" was their ability to do something different from the ordinary everyday humdrum.

One young lady's claim to fame was her hobby of finding the most unusual onsen (natural hot springs) that she can, even when it involves hiking into the mountains for 3 hours and trying to make her way across a chest deep rushing stream of water (the bridge was broken and no, she didn't make the crossing).

Another lady, a retired music teacher, has an amazing ability to make musical instruments out of any sort of trash; PET bottles, empty coffee-drink cans, bottle caps, etc.

But, the most interesting lady on the show last night was the one who, while blindfolded, could (a) tell a dog's gender by smelling it's feet  and (b) tell a dog's breed by licking it's nose (she got 'em all right - or at least the ones they showed us on the program).

So, next time you want to know if that puppy is a boy or girl, don't mess around with picking it up - just take a good foot sniff! Who knows, you may be on a Japanese TV variety show!

Crappy Pants Hearts?

Okay - get ready - this one may be a little gross to some - you have been warned!

I just read an article in Newsweek that says a classic survey showed that half of toilet paper users in America (I do assume that is most everyone, but some may still be using the old catalogs) spend their days with 'fecal contamination' - anything from stains to massive feces in their underpants.

A "classic survey," huh?

Gotta wonder - where do they get the people who are willing to do such a survey and just what sort of questions do they ask. I can envision something like this as the survey taker knocks on the door:

"Good morning ma'am. My name is Jason and I'm conducting a survey about fecal laden underwear. I wonder, can you tell me, are you currently wearing poopy panties?"

Wham!

"Wow! You sure swing a mean baseball bat there ma'am. But now that I'm laying here on the ground, I can clearly see that you do have a few wasp colored stains on your undies."

Wham! Wham! 

End of survey.

The article goes on to say that despite the fact that bidets have been, and still are, readily available to those willing to purchase them, all of these people would rather run around with streaky shorts than to use a bottom washing bidet.

Toto, and other manufacturers are hoping to change all that and it is now possible to buy a Japanese model of a "washlet" - or "shower toilet" - of the kind that is generally installed in every Japanese home.

A quick search of the Internet reveals a few manufacturers' models that are available in the USA today.

Here's an example of what is available: COCO White Bidet

According to the article, the average American uses 57 sheets of toilet paper every day. As a nation, Americans flush their way through 36.5 billion rolls of TP every year! That's the equivalent of 15 million trees. Talk about a way to go green - and stay clean at the same time! (And yeah, ya still gotta wonder, WHO does these surveys?)

Toto, a major toilet manufacturer from Japan, is gearing up for a massive sales push in the USA soon - watch for it.

Yes, we do have these in our home in Japan, and trust me, once you get used to them you'll wonder how you ever lived without one.

When we were back in San Francisco last month we visited a friend's home. Michael & his wife, Sonie, are regular visitors to Japan and they have installed a "washlet" in their home. Michael told me that he has had over 100 visitors to his home since installing the washlet seat and not one has used it. Seems most Americans just have a hard time getting used to a warm toilet seat (believe me, they are a true comfort on a chilly, foggy, San Francisco morning) and a cleansing spray (most of these seats have two settings, one for the ladies [#1] and one for both genders [#2]).

Check it out - see what you think. They are not cheap, and they do require an electrical outlet (use the safety type) to be installed in the toilet, but just think of the money you'll save on the old TP - the washlet can pay for itself in a few short years.

Rented Hearts

Last month I had the honor of attending a friend's son's wedding in California.  There were a decent number of attendees and I'm willilng to bet that every one of them was a real guest  and a friend or family member.

But, the same can't be said for weddings in Japan. Not only is the "minister" performing the ceremony likely to be a fake (especially if he's a foreigner, AKA moonlighting English teacher or office staff performing wedding ceremonies on the side), but some of the guests and "good friends" may also be less than the real McCoys (or the real Suzuki's). 

Office Agents, a temp staff firm in Tokyo, will rent you as many wedding guests as you want at 20,000 yen a pop.  10,000 of this goes to the "guest" and the rest remains with Office Agents. For a few thousand yen extra you can have your rented guests give a speech or sing a song. The rented guests mingle with the real guests and partake of the meal and even get one of the gifts that is commonly given to everyone attending a wedding ceremony in Japan. They do, generally, disappear though when it comes time for the group photos. Afterall, one wouldn't want junior to ask "who's that" in later years and mom & pop looking at each other & saying 'wasn't she your guest?'

One guy, who was getting married for the second time, rented every single one of his 30 guests. He said that since it was his second marriage he didn't want to "bother" those who had attended his first wedding ceremony.  Thoughtful fellow, eh?

Of course, Office Agents doesn't just stop at wedding guests. For the truly forlorn there are rental funeral attendees, and secretaries for those who want to appear more important than they really are, and even lovers who can be introduced to the family as one's true love.

Another company is renting out pets to those who don't have the time or space to keep a pet of their own.

What's next? Rental kids? Not so far fetched considering that just a couple of years ago one agency was doing a booming business renting grandparents for the doting "children" to visit with their own kids.

Hmm, wonder if they are renting out "gaijin" (foreigner) guests yet? Bet the gaijin crowd could be rented out for 40,000 yen - after all, we're "different" - aren't we?